Friday, October 25, 2013

Why I left religion

This post is about my history with religion and the reasons why I recently left it. I just want to say that by writing this I am by no means imposing my beliefs onto anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, especially religious beliefs. I'm just sharing thoughts that occurred to me.

Now, about my history with religion.

Growing up as a child in India, my family and I practiced Hinduism. I have vague memories of prayer ceremonies here and there, both to celebrate and to mourn. I can't really say I had a place in it. I never really did anything, I just followed what others told me. And that was pretty much my history with Hinduism.

When I was seven, I moved to Singapore with my mother. At that point in time, my mother picked up Nichiren Buddhism. My mother's practice of this Buddhism was helping her get through a personal crisis. As a seven year old kid I had no idea what this whole thing meant or entailed. My mother never imposed the practice onto me so I just grew up with this Buddhism as a secondary part of my life. All this till I turned 14.

At 14, I began facing some challenges of my own- particularly in school. I had gone beyond all I could do back then and I wanted to find another way to help myself. That's when I spoke to my mother and she introduced me to Nichiren Buddhism. I practiced it for a year and it really helped me. I was able to find solutions to all my problems and I was able to move in a positive direction. But that's pretty much all it did. After 14 all the way till I turned 20, I found little use in religion. Along the way, I tried to use religion to help myself but somehow I never found it useful. I found that many of the problems that had to be solved were associated more with myself than with religion itself.

So this sums up my short history with religion. Though it is short, I derived many lessons that I think justify my decision to leave this whole concept of religion behind. 

Firstly, I came to observe that religion (other than its philosophy) is largely about rituals and proceedings. These rituals and proceedings ultimately define what a religion is. So for example in Nichiren Buddhism, there were certain rituals that defined the religion. These rituals included praying twice a day, reciting the verse 'Nam Myoho Renge Kyo' over and over again, reciting verses of the Lotus Sutra in an Asian dialect and also for some, praying in a kneeling stance. Other religions have such rituals and proceedings too.

So, I asked myself- why these rituals? Why must I conform to such practices and what do these rituals achieve? Are there some supernatural powers associated with such practices? As with all such metaphysical questions, nobody knows the answer. The most reliable answers are those that can be backed up with evidence.

So I sat down one day and started dissecting the rituals that I observed in Nichiren Buddhism. After questioning myself and the countless experiences I had with the religion, I came to certain verifiable answers. My observation- a standard prayer ceremony in Nichiren Buddhism (as with other religious practices) can be broken down into two discrete parts- one being goal setting and the other being meditation.

Goal setting manifests in the form of prayers- when you remember the prayers you want to accomplish in your life, both in the short and long-term. Meditation manifests in the form of chanting or recitation of verses. This is what I concluded from my study of Nichiren Buddhism. From a purely scientific point of view, when I perform a religious practice essentially all I am doing is setting goals and meditating, simultaneously too.

So then I asked myself- how has goal setting and meditation, in the form of a religious ritual, helped me in life?

Goal setting allowed me to understand exactly what I wanted from life. When I was 14 years old, I did not have the maturity to sit down quietly and think to myself about what I wanted from life. Performing a religious ritual forced me to sit down and to think about what I wanted. Perhaps this oriented me towards achieving what I wanted? Maybe, maybe.

Goal setting also allowed me to think of things in the bigger picture. Say one day I had a fight with my friend. When I remembered my life's goals in the form of prayers, I was reminded that one of my life's goals was to be a proponent of world peace. With this larger goal in mind, I could put things in perspective and make peace with my friend instead of pursuing the petty matter.

Meditation in the form of recitation of Buddhist text helped me at times too. It helped to calm my senses, especially when I was experiencing strong emotions like anger or sadness. Through calming me down, it helped me see things in a bigger picture and allowed to re-orientate myself to carry on with life.

With this in light, I then asked myself- is goal setting and meditation necessary in my life now? Also, must I perform a religious ritual in order to facilitate goal setting and meditation?

I concluded that goal setting is certainly very important in my life now and in the future too. I mentioned two evergreen benefits of goal setting above. However I don't think I need an elaborate prayer ceremony to set and remember my life goals. I can simply make it a habit to remember my life's goals every morning and evening. I don't need to go through such an elaborate process to do such a simple job. This is one reason why I feel no need to adopt a religion. Since the essence of religious practice is to remember your goals, I can do so without all the complicated processes involved.

How about meditation? Is there a need for it in my life? Personally, I would think no. Perhaps when I was younger and had less control over myself, meditation helped to calm me down. But at this age I find it much easier to control my senses and to bring myself to a rational state of mind. Simply sitting down and penning down my worries helps me to calm my senses. I don't need to adopt occult meditative practices to achieve the same result. This is another reason why I feel no need to adopt a religion.

There are other important reasons why I feel I should not adopt a religion.

For one, I feel that religious practices have made me inefficient. When I was practicing Nichiren Buddhism, I used to believe (as I was taught) that I couldn't tackle problems without praying for them. I could only solve them when I prayed for them and also acted towards solving them. Because of this, I always had to rely on prayer to solve my problems. This made me highly inefficient and partly confused too. In fact it would be so much faster if I solved my problems by simply acting on them instead of going through the whole process of praying and acting.

I also feel that religious practices have, at times, impeded with my understanding of cause and effect. Sometimes my religious practices made me think that by praying some 'magic' would occur to make my prayers come true. An example would be me at one point in time when I wanted to find a girlfriend. By my understanding of Buddhism at that point in time, I knew I had to pray for it to happen and that I also had to act upon it. But by praying for it I subconsciously assumed that my prayers had some 'magical' powers and that a girlfriend would come to me rather than me actually looking for one. I was (through my own doing) deluded that some mystic form of cause and effect existed and that it would make all my prayers come true. I actually forgot that the most important thing was for me to find a girlfriend. If I had trusted the most basic form of cause and effect which is basic human action, then I would have just done the most logical thing which is to actually find a girlfriend. This would have yielded a better chance of success rather than simply praying and hoping for things to happen.

When I came to terms with this delusion that religion was imposing on me, I knew I had to leave it. I had to face the harsh reality of life- which is that my actions determine where my life is going. Prayers and all aside, it is my actions that decide my fate. It was hard for me to face this. In fact, all along it was easy for me to hide behind religion and to submit my fate to some higher authority. It was easy to pray and hope that a higher authority will help me. It's a lot harder to accept that I am alone and that my problems are of my own doing. It's a lot harder to accept that only I can help myself.

I do realize that by stating all that I have, I have essentially torn up the concept of religion. But please allow me to say a few words to bring back what I said into perspective. 

As with all metaphysical questions and arguments about religion, there are no absolute answers as yet. There are only empirically verifiable answers, but do note these are just logical answers and may not necessarily be absolute. So for all I know, a higher authority may just exist and I may have just committed the biggest sacrilege by defaming this authority's doings. But I can live with that. 

As with all I said earlier, please also allow me to put myself down and give religion due credit for it has stood firm in the test of time. 

Religion, despite all I said, should be recognized for its numerous ties to culture and its development. Many of the the cultures adopted by races and ethnic groups revolve around the religion they practice. In fact many of our personal values are guided by the religion we practice too. Some of the values propagated- like honesty, integrity and compassion- are admirable and religion should be given due credit for it. 

So as this argument comes to a (forced) close, you may ask this- without religion how do we choose our values? Without religion, what basis do we have to decide our personal values? I believe (and observe) that all of us are born with this innate moral compass commonly known as a conscience. I believe that religious values arose because the pioneers of religion listened to their personal conscience and developed religious doctrine through experimentation with their own conscience. Therefore, I believe that if each and every one of us listens to our conscience, we will be able to decide on our personal values and these values should not be too far off from person to person. 

Perhaps this brings up another benefit of religion- in that personal values are decided for us by religion and through this our consciences become tuned to roughly the same direction. Without religion this parallelism of conscience would be a lot harder to achieve. 

Anyways, I shall let things rest and leave the argument here. Thanks for reading this.

Appreciate the comments!

Picture source:

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Art of listening

There are so many amongst us who don't know what it means to listen. To listen is to go beyond yourself. To listen is to truly be humble.

This is something that I picked up in my recent days in the army. I have come across too many who talk freely but refuse to listen. Like there was this one chap. He and I entered my unit at the same time and back then he had many problems to deal with. Whenever he had any issues he came to me and told me about them. All I ever did was listen... and listen. Of course in my mind I had objections and disagreements. But to soothe the soul in pain I agreed with his erroneous views just to make him feel better. Thus all I did was listen. I never judged him nor did I hurt him. All I did was listen.

And then there was my boss. Whenever he had his discussions and all, all I ever did was listen. Occasionally I would clarify and question but all I ever did was listen. And whenever he felt strongly about something, I would agree despite my personal sense of disagreement. I wouldn't oppose. All this just to leave him with his pride and authority. Thus all I did was listen. 

And for me, there was nobody to listen to me. 

When I shared my problems with the chap, my colleague, all he did was to judge. He shot down every one of my problems as misjudgments from my side. He was brutal with his comments. To him, I was a test paper sodden with problems, awaiting his candid solutions. And all I did was listen.

And then my boss. Whenever I had requests (more like disagreements), none were heard. Words would be heard as sounds waves registered. But my intent was never understood. 'No' was a common answer. "To hell with all this listening", I sometimes thought. In the end, all I did was listen.

Listening is truly an art. It stems from a deep-rooted sense of humility. To listen is to doubt yourself enough to hear another. To listen is to doubt your personal principles enough to adjust them from others' experiences. I'm not saying don't give others advice. I'm just saying we (generally) need to listen when people need us to listen. And when they're ready for advice then we should give them advice. 

Thus, the art of listening.

I hope you were listening.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Middle Way of things

Of all men
Stand out two traits

The sanctimonious
Who judge the world without a trial

And the amoral
Who try the world without a judgement.

In my journey experimenting (subconsciously) with these traits, I have come to a conclusion on the middle way of things.

A man of truth is not one who is sanctimonious. He is not one who sits in his temple and preaches his impervious principles.

He is one who steps out and dares to experiment with things, even if those things are wrong. He may even be the one doing something wrong, except that he'll be fully aware of the wrongness of his actions- but he'll still do it, you see.

He redesigns his principles based on experiments.

He doesn't judge without a trial.
And if he can't undertake a trial he doesn't judge.

Just my thoughts on the middle way of things.

Saturday, July 13, 2013


If I saw a field
Wispy grass swaying with the breeze
I'd think of life in its entirety
And enjoy it for its complexity

But if I couldn't see the entirety
Or comprehend the complexity
Then I would see the colours
And enjoy them for their wonders

And if I couldn't see the colours
Or sense their wonders
Then I would feel the breeze
And enjoy it for its ease

And if I couldn't feel the breeze
Or enjoy its ease
Then I would feel my presence
And enjoy it in its essence

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Look back at none

For all our friends
And all our foes
The Peaceful One
Waits for none

For all our sins
And all our trials
The Neutral One
Considers none

For all our disappointments
And all our flaws
The Perfect One
Judges none

For all our bereavements
And all our funks
The Mystic One
Looks back at none

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


Most of us practice some form of instruction in daily life. For the teachers, instruction comprises the bulk of work. For the rest of us, instructing people is common and it is necessary to co-ordinate actions between working parties.

Coming from the viewpoint of an instructor, we expect our instructions to be heard diligently and to be delivered effectively. I don’t know about you, but I think most of us dislike being questioned during or after the period of instruction. I guess it feels like the person questioning you is disrespecting you. Though this may seem true on the surface, I've come to realize something quite to the contrary. Sometimes being questioned is a good thing.

When we listen to someone's instructions, we construct a general idea of what the person is saying. Even if the person gives us elaborate instructions, our minds can only catch hold of that much information at once and thus, we only form a general idea of what is being said. So for example if a person is telling us how he wants some excel sheet done, we will get the general idea of it but we'll tend to miss out on the minor details like maybe how big he wants certain columns or what information he needs the most from the file. These details, though minor, actually matter the most.

And this is where inquiry comes into play. Inquiry bridges the gaps within the general idea conceived from instruction. It helps make the instruction given that much more complete. For the person mentioned above, only when we ask about the minor details of the sheet will we be able to fully understand what he wants. 

So when a person inquires or questions you, it's not really a bad thing! It actually shows that the person is trying to understand what you're saying. If anything it's a good thing.

With this in mind, I would actually be quite worried if the people I'm instructing have nothing to say at the end!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

On being a man of your word

Throughout my time in the army, I’ve faced many experiences where my superiors never lived up to their words. I'll explain through examples.

Back when I was in OCS, I had requested one of my superiors to give me information on how to apply for local citizenship. He told me that it would not be a problem and that he'll get back to me. I thought he had done something about it, but at the end of OCS I realized nothing was done. I wasted nine months waiting.

Similarly, back in OCS I had some questions regarding the weapons we were being taught to use. I had asked another superior the definitions of terms like ‘maximum effective range’ and he told me he’d get back to me. He never did.

I’ve noticed through my encounters that many of my superiors gave me their word on issues but never lived up to it. And of course I can understand why. These guys had more important tasks to worry about. How important can it be getting back to a subordinate on some unimportant issue, right?

Rational... yes, but I’ve always felt this is wrong. It is wrong to give someone your word and not live up to it. Ever since I became an officer I told myself I would never commit this mistake. If I give someone my word on an issue, I will remember to get back to that person, even if the issue is a minor one in the grand scheme of things. I made this my work ethic since I assumed duties as a platoon commander.

I just want to share how I manage all the promises I make to my men.

Basically if any of my men raise any issue up to me that I cannot solve right away, I note it down in my Blackberry immediately. I just make a short rough note under the memo section. This helps me remember things that pop up during the day. I also have a detailed to-do list in my Blackberry with different tasks and dates and timings for them to be done by. Usually when I’m free, I translate the rough notes into detailed tasks in my to-do list, along with the day and time for them to be done. By putting in this effort, I pay attention to the most minor of details that make up the most major of contributions.  

An example would be a couple of weeks back when some of my guys raised up discrepancies in their salaries. They raised this issue over a casual conversation- something like "SAF doesn't pay me well, they cut my salary"- and didn't even intend to pursue the matter. I however saw this as an important detail that needed to be looked at and told them I’d get back to them on it. Of course, I could have just said that to show concern and forgotten about it later. On top of that, I really did have other important things to do. But nonetheless I noted it down immediately and got back to them the week after with instructions to help fix the issue. With the help of technology, I was able to keep my word and maintain the trust of my subordinates.

I'm really learning a lot through my experience as an army officer. It's quite brilliant. More to come!