Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Love, sex and lust

Hi everybody! It’s been an awfully long time since I wrote, but I’m really happy to be back on this blog. I’ll do my best to keep updating from now on.

As the title suggests, I’ll be sharing my views on love, sex and lust. If these topics make you uncomfortable, well then, grow up I guess? Nah, I’m just kidding. Read at your own leisure. I’m mainly going to be talking about my ideals of love and sex and the problems behind lust. I came up with these ideals through studying myself and my follies over the years. I’ll start off with love.


So what kind of love am I talking about? Well, I’d like to focus on the love between a man and a woman- romantic love, that is. I’m doing this because this kind of love seems to be the “in-thing” in the crazy teenage world of mine.

A very common misconception is that romantic love is all about dependence and obsession. Many teenagers actually believe that true romantic love is found through depending on the guy or girl and literally “sticking” around them persistently, such that almost all free time is spent with the girlfriend or boyfriend.

Here’s an analogy to illustrate the problem here- two people, who are rather unhappy and unfulfilled in their lives, come together and further drain each other’s happiness by wasting time together. 

I hope you can see the inherent flaw in this typical teenage view of love. True love is not found through dependence. Quite to the contrary, it is found through absolute independence. It is attained when two independent people, who are both very happy and fulfilled in their lives, come together and share their happiness, only to make the net amount greater. They must also love and appreciate each other for the “crude” humanity they both possess, and not for any other reason. 


When I mention sex here, I don’t just mean the act of sexual intercourse. I actually refer to all acts of physical intimacy between a man and a woman.

There is another common misconception in the teenage world, especially among boys, that sex is purely about fun. Most teenage boys actually believe that sex is all about making use of a woman to get private pleasure. Their views have been heavily influenced by pornography and its portrayal of women as “sluts”, “bitches” and “whores”.

And again, this view is false. Sex is after all a physical manifestation of the love that I described earlier. Therefore, sex must also inherit the ideals of love. Sex cannot be governed by carnal desires. It must be governed by absolute appreciation and affection for the person whom you love.


Lust is known as one of the seven deadly sins. I feel that lust is any man’s greatest flaw. Lust corrupts a man’s mind and changes the way he looks at himself and at women, and sometimes even children and other men. Lust puts innocent women at risk. Lust induces recklessness in men, who just so happen to be the rulers, governors and policy makers of civilizations, and consequently destroys civilizations as well.  

Sometimes, men live their entire lives without realizing that lust is a big problem. They entertain the carnal desire without realizing that it “eats” into their humanity. In this sense, I feel that women, in general, are very fortunate to not be riddled by lust the way men are.

Mahatma Gandhi actually realized this huge problem of lust and fought his own for a large portion of his life. Through his own brahmacharya or sexual control, he managed to keep his lust in check and attained chastity. I’m sure he became a much greater and purer person through this endeavor. His successful control of lust serves as a very important example for all men.

That being said, I don't mean that all men should eradicate their lust by attaining chastity like Mahatma Gandhi did. Mankind will wither away if we did that. I mean to say that all men should eradicate their lust by governing their love and sexuality with absolute affection for the other person, and not with a carnal desire for the other person. 

You know, in my country Singapore, all boys from 16 years of age and above are made to undergo conscription. There is a saying here that once the boys finish their military service, they come out as men. I don’t think this should be the only benchmark for manhood. I believe that a true man has the ability to control his lust, just like Mahatma Gandhi did. I believe it is a true man’s lifelong duty to keep his lust in check and to create a clean and pure world for himself and his loved ones.


  1. Atreya, a great write up on the part of a teenager who has yet to become a man . You dont need conscription to army. make your army men read this. and learn something from here.